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Winning the Tooth Brushing Battle
By Leslie Wilson
When we implement fresh ideas and new strategies, we have greater success--namely because we've stop doing things the same old way, one that didn't work to begin with. Here's a fun parenting story to illustrate.
During a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting, a mommy asked me, as her Mentor Mom, for help with a discipline issue. She proceeded to tell me that her four-year-old son had suddenly begun refusing to brush his teeth. Fearful for his hygiene and dental health, she and her husband resorted to holding him down and forcing the toothbrush into his mouth.
Though I didn't say this to her, I immediately worried about the gag factor. She looked so overwhelmed, so beaten down. I hugged her and told her I'd give it some serious thought.
I called the young mom, whom I'll call Annie, to share the idea or how she and Jeff (her husband) could get Hayden (their son) to brush his teeth
"It seems as though this is less of a hygiene issue and more of a power struggle between you and Hayden. He's exercising his muscles of independence, which typically causes division and pain the parent-child relationship."
Annie agreed.
"So, I'm thinking if you completely do away with the struggle, you'll remove his motivation for being so stubborn. He won't have any reason to not want to brush his teeth."
"How do I do that?" Annie asked.
"Try this. You and Jeff tell Hayden that you understand he doesn't want to brush his teeth. Tell him you've talked about it and decided he doesn't have to do that anymore. But, remind him that you and Jeff like to brush your teeth and you're going to continue doing that. Then, make brushing your teeth the greatest thing in the world--better than going to the circus. Better than Christmas morning."
"Okaaaaayyyyy . . . ." Annie sounded a tad skeptical.
"Then, you and Jeff go brush your teeth in Hayden's bathroom, not yours. Take music in there -- the most upbeat, fun music you can think of. Make him wait outside. Say to him, 'You can't come in here. Only people who like to brush their teeth get to come in here. You'll have to wait outside until we're finished.' Shut the door, and lock it. Turn on the water in the sink. Turn on the music -- loud. Laugh, talk , giggle, make a whole lot of fun-sounding noise."
"I guess we could try that. Anything's better than holding him down!"
Later that evening, I received a voice message from Annie. "You're not going to believe what happened. Jeff and did what you said. We took our toothbrushes up to Hayden's bathroom. We took music in there. We told him only people who wanted to brush their teeth were allowed in there. We went in, locked the door, turned on the water and started laughing and making lots of noise. And here's the amazing part, in less than one minute, Hayden pounded on the door and hollered, 'Let me in. I want to brush my teeth.' Anyway, I'll update you on the rest of it later, but thank you for that idea.
When I visited with Annie at the next MOPS meeting, she told me she and Jeff had gone up to Hayden's bathroom to brush their teeth with him a few more times, but when they stopped the struggle has just gone away. She hugged me and blinked back tears. "I honestly thought we would be holding him down to brush his teeth for years! Just like that, we diffused the issue."
And she's right. My husband is fond of saying that it feels really good when you stop beating your head against a brick wall. Annie and Jeff stopped when they took away the power struggle between them and Hayden.
Leslie co-authored A Scrapbook of Motherhood Firsts, which released April 10th -- just in time for Mother's Day. Visit her website and blog at www.lesliewilson.com.
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